**first of all till now my family do not know that I am leaving to the USA, I am planning to tell my mom soon, because she is spending the summer in Jordan just to be around me for a while, so I better brake the news to hear SOON.

** this will be my first time to the other side of the Atlantic Ocean, and for the first time in my life I’ll be able to see sun rise over the Ocean instead of the sea, or over mountains or land,

 ** I have been around, and I have had my share of advetures in my life, but this one is different, it will be my first time in my life without having someone around to comfort me, and be my “safe-line”. where ever I have been, what ever I have done, there has always been someone around that would come to my assistence if I “fell to hard” and weren’t able to stand up, there has also been someone around to keep an eye on my “creative plans” but in the states there will be no one, so this adveture is going to be INTERESTING

** SInce the age of 16, I have been more or less independent and in charge of myself, with the exception that I have always had someone who will take care of me if I lose my head, I might be a great cook, but thats basicly it, I am a bad shoper, bad cleaner etc etc etc, and I have always had some one special on my side to take care of those thigns, started with Jannet, ans well it continued to be Jannet for most of the time, but any way now that I’ll be in a the states, I will be in charge of everything, and worse then that I am leaving Amman with 60 youth who thinks that I am in charge of them, and that I will assist them till they arrive at their destinations, just because I have some experience with traveling, but in the end its my fault, I was the one who wanted to save about 200$ by buying a ticket with that culture exchange group.

well I guess thats it, I know I don’t keep my blog up-dated regulary, but the trip to the states is worth posting one post weekly about, so i have already made a category for it, and this way I’ll have less phone calls, and emails to send to keep my friends posted about whats happening, so I’ll write my first post a few hours after I reach my destination (which is Ocean City, MaryLand)

   WEll I wanted to write a post about the good things that are happening in my life in the last 2 weeks, and I did write it several times, but I didn’t ”publish” it because I was afraid I would jinx my new good luck, however now I have to share the good news.

first of all about 2 weeks ago things were so “dark” I was haveing a terible depression, sitting in fron of my PC just staring at the screen doing nothing, and suddenly a friend logged on and sent me a hi on MSN, I wanted to ask to meet him, as he got this special way of getting your mind of the daily life problems, well he asked how I was doing and I answered with total honesty, after explaining he offered to help me with one of my problems, and thats when things started to imporve in my life. Two days later he kept his promise, and I solved in one strick 2 of my BIG problems. so THANK YOU LARRO!!!

a few days after that I called another friend to help me shop for a birtday present for one of my BEST friends, and we had a nice time chit chating in the car, went to macca mall, then had lunch togather, and I really enjoyed those few hours, so THANK YOU JOANNA!!   (PS: we found Rovers closed it seems they are rebuilding the whole place)

After that I took a Taxi to my friend’s house to attend the birthday party, which was really nice, small and lovely, the cakes were GREAT (norwegian cakes were available) nice hang out at the perfect balcony, and expensive champain.

but things didn’t stop there, the other day I met Lana and Dana, friends from AIESEC and out of the bloom Lana suggested a solution to one of my BIGGEST problems, a so simple solution that I feel STUPID for not thinking about it, it was right there infront of me,  so THANK YOU LANA!!!

and just to make things even better, the same day my VERY GOOD friend Kloude called and said that she got accepted in the university in the USA she had applied to, so the good news just kept flooding my day, its one of the best feelings you can have!

well these are just some of the good things that have been happening lately, WOW I LOVE MAY… oh I forgot to mention the GREAT time I spent with Maha and Isabel, it was so wonderfull I didn’t want it to end, well actually I wanted the eating part to end, because I was sooooo full I couldn’t breath, any way now that my life is back on the good track, I’ll be posting more details soon.

PS: Because of these good events, I am back to the plan to go to the USA this summer.

Have a lovely day every one, and be blessed!!!

well after all those things happening I decided to no longer give a damn, and just enjoy life for a few days, which of course led to my life getting worse, so yesterday I totally LOST hope for things to ever get any better, and I assumed that I’ll live a few months in “hell” and then if I survive I’ll have a missrable life, and if I don’t survive… well at least it will all be over. but as they say “ every night has a sun rise right after it” and today while I was just wishing things would have been different, I guy I know came online , its been some time since I have seen him, tho the other day we were suppose to meet but things didn’t go as planned, any way, out of frustration and nothing to do, I was going to say hi and see if he would like to just have some fun, so after the simple hi and hello, he asked how I was and I answered very honestly, and in less then 5 minutes he had offered to help me getting out of the difficult spot I was in, I couldn’t believe it, I was jumping up and down and so exited my eyes were about to pop out, well I got a lot of things to replan now so let me end my post with a heart warm thanks to my friend Larro, I can’t thank you enought

KEEP HOPE UP EVERY ONE, THERE IS ALWAYS HOPE IF YOU JUST LOOK FOR IT

So here is how it went; I filled in every form online, some of these forms had the most stupid questions you can imagine, like for example ” are you a member of a terrrorist group?”, as if I would answer yes if I was, plus if I was a member of any group like that, I wouldn’t call it or concider it a terrorist group. so the forms with all its questions were filled, and I took an apointment  from online, it was the 22′nd of April 2007, at 9 am, good enought ha?, well it said that I should be there 15 minutes before my interview, and any delay will cancell my apointment, NO EXCEPTIONS!,. and I was like thank God its organised, I was very happy, that things were going well, so on the 22′nd of April I reached the ambassy at 8:15 am, thats 45 minutes before my apointment, and there was a line, so I took a place in line, waiting my turn, 55 minutes passed as I was waiting in that line, I started to get worried because I wouldn’t be able to get inside at 9 am as my apointment said, so I asked the security guard if I should simply give up and make another apointment as mine that day would be cancelled (NO EXEPTIONS were in BIG RED letters) , but he said it was ok, and as long as I had an apointment that day, and was able to get in before they closed then things would be fine , so much for organised and time respect, well after the first line, there was a 2′nd line, and after the 2′nd line there was another waiting area, and I was after all that waiting in a smoke free area, I was called for my interview at 12:20, YAHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!, the interviewer was sooo nice and friendly, but still in a serious way, and she reminded me of one of my nannies in Norway, she was 90% identical, any how after 2 short questions she asked to take my finger print scan, which was ok with me, but really they should have some kind of cleaning spray or something there, I mean that scan pad must have been touched but hundreds of different people daily, who knows what kind of germs are just waiting to attach itself to you, but I did the scan anyway, the interview itself took less then 5 minutes, she said that she can’t see any reason for me not to get the VISA, but because I only got the Norwegian nationality, and was born there, they need to do a bit extra stuff, so she gave me my passport back and said that they will conntact me withing 8 to 10 days, hopefully this time they are SERIOUS about the time.

 now the after effect of the interview, well I missed my lecture,  and this was really the wrong lecture to miss, (every lecture is the wrong lecture to miss) , I talked to a few friends and they said that being on hold for 8 to 10 days, means that I got the VISA but they simply need a bit more time to issue it for me, I hope they are right, oh and I met and befriended a few people who was waiting in line with me, really nice and informative chats, I was also able to pass by Abdon Mall for some ice-cream after I finished. and now the only thing I can do is wait ( I am adapting to the waiting act, its not as hard as many people imagine, at least I imagined it to be MUCH harder)

till  later, have fun everyone, wish me GOOD luck, and remember :

     “life embraces you in the same attitude you embrace life”

well lets see, what have happened since my last post that is important??? A LOT OF THINGS, most are bad, or even worse then bad, but on the stupid bright side I am still alive and kicking.

  Why have I gotten back to my blog??? good question, well the answer is simple, in the last 2 months I have done a lot of things I have kind of regreted (by the way I am agaist regreting anything, what has been has been, and can not be changed) but 2 days ago I did one of the worse things I have ever done in my life (I am not going to mention details), so I was thinking; perhaps I can not change what I did, perhaps I can not change the past, but there are things that I can change, so I made another long term plan, which includes comeing back to my glories blog…. so here I am!

from now one and according to my plan, there will be at least one post per week, (my weeks start on Mondays) , at least till the beginning of June, then after that I don’t know whether I can wright anything in my blog for 3 months, I’ll explain why later.

so till my next post have a pleasent and blessed moments

   Jordan might not be the most perfect country, its also not the worse, but still people never sees both sides at the same time, or at least remember both sides at the same time.

I am getting sick of hearing them defend Jordan when I mention something bad here, and they argue with me with a tone that would make you believ that Joradan is heaven on earth even though its clear to anyone with a bit of logic that this special thing is wrong, I mean how can they excpect to improve their country if they don’t admit that it needs to be improved.

  I am more sick of hearing people complaining about how BAD Jordan is, and how much they want to leave and have a life else where ( else where = the west), after all this is their country and they should have somekind of loyalty to it, and I don’t mean blind loyalty, neither do I mean total blind loyalty to the goverment.

Is it really so unlogical to ask people to see the bad sides of their sociaty, admit it, then try to change it?

Whats worse is that those who don’t see the negative sides (or at least don’t admit it) are not willing to even improve what they see is a GREAT place, and those who only see the bad sides are not willing to try to improve it.

I am such a bad writer, and are not able to get the point across in this post, but I guess any sophisticated person who lives in Jordan and read this will understand, so if you are one of those please leave a comment and help me explain the situation.

 I have seen this “situation” for a while now and the reason I am writing about it today is as following… I was sitting in the university with my friends waiting for the time of my lecture, and these 2 guys I have never seen before comes up to me, and asks if I am Hamza, I answered yes, then they asked if they can talk to me in privet, so I stand up and follow them a bit away from my friends, here is the dialog

guy 1: is it true you only got the Norwegian Nationality??

me: ya, why?

guy 1: well we heared about you from a few friends,a nd was wondering if you could help   

            with something.

me: what do you mean?

guy 1: we heared that gay marrieges are allowed in Norway?

me:  ya well kind of,

guy 2: (jumbs into the conversation very happy and inthusiatic after my answer) well

         lets talk honestly, we were wondering if you could marry my brother, just on paper, so that he can get the Norwegian nationality, we’ll pay for any expences, and even give you a bit extra.

at this moment I was shocked and speach less, I mean others have suggested it from before, some have tried to get to know me for that reason, but NEVER have some total stranger came up to me and said something about that without any pre-introduction or anything. and when I refussed thay got upset and said that I have nothing to lose if I do it, and when I tried to explain thats its not as easy as they think they accused me of lieing just so that I don’t do them a favour, they accually acted as if it was their right to ask for this, and after makeing it clear that I won’t be a part of it they ended the conversation with : ” we blame the world for being against us Arabs, while our own arab brothers won’t even do us a small favour to save us from doomed life”, well thats the best translation I could do without putting a lot of curses in, and please notice that it was all in a very ANGRY tone.

well thats what happened, feel free to agree or dissagree that the Jordan Patriotic issue is strange and stupid, but I do hope no one of those who read my blog dissagrees that the event with the 2 guys WAS STRANGE AND STUPID.

       I am begging you for some help, I am a member of AIESEC, which is an international  student organization (it will be hard to explain about it in a short sentence) any way, and I am in a team that is doing some research about CSR (corperate social responcibility) in Jordan, I am also in charge of planning some learning activities, which is all very interesting and great to do, but I came across some difficulties, most of which I have been able to creatively solve, but one thing is really standing in my way to success in my duty, here is how it goes…

    I make an appointment with someone who might help us in the learning activity, and I itroduce AIESEC to them, I explain what we are doing and how we do things, and their faces just start the shine, and they get so exited about haveing an organization like this one in Jordan, they keep asking questions about it, they kind of BEG to be allowed to be more involved, and they keep me their promise that they will at least be a part of the learning activity I am planning at the moment, so far so good, I take their free times, and what they are able to provide us (which is the meterial they can teach us about),  things go OK, and I out of being afficient and practical I make a draft of a plan show it to them even before I show it to my team or MC (member commite), and then suddenly I find out that they have changed their mind, and they simple say that they don’t think its the right time for them to be in touch with AIESEC activities at the moment, first of all we are not asking them to be a real active part in our organization, if they want to then it would be great, but they don’t have to, 2′nd of all they said that they would help us, how did they change their mind so completly, 3′rd of all if they changed their mind why didn’t they tell me so that I wouldn’t have waisted so much time makeing plans and stuff, I did leave my number and email but they didn’t even bother to take 5 minutes to inform me, instead they just let me waist several days for nothing…

  Now the problem is, how can I deal with this un-proffesional behaviour, how can I make them be more serious about the promise they give, how can I make they understand and sence the importance of being serious, I mean its as if they think that as long as we are a student organization things can’t be so serious, but still I do meet them on offical apointments, I wear formal clothes, I speak in a polite formal way…

   yours desperatly in need for help

                                                          Kenaz

  According to my diary evern since March 2006, I have faced one major problem in my life after another, I am not saying that my life was peacfull before that, but it was more normal (in other words it had its ups and downs), but now every single “up” in my life only brings a REALLY BAD DOWN, when ever I find  a solution to a problem, either a worse problem comes up because of the solution, or the solution gets stopped because of a totally new problem.

   I might try to keep my hope up, and without my sarcasm I don’t know if I could have done it till now, but my hight spirit seems to getting to tired, a few months ago a simple night out with my friends and some fun could keep me going for weeks, now not even a 24 hour doing everything I LOVE can keep me optimistic for more then a day or two.

 The worse about all this is that I recently had the chance of doing a few things I have always dreamed about, but this situation is stopping me from doing it, and to its makeing me brake my promises that I gave to peole I totaly respect, and there is nothing I can do about it…

I have tried everything I could think of, walking for hours, meditiating at sunrise, takeing time for a deep logical planning, changing my cigarets, getting wasted, even ignoring my problems and hopeing they will go away, but nothing have worked, not even a bit.

This is why I have made my choice, unless some dramtic change happens within 2 months, I will leave Jordan, that would mean that I would need to put my education on hold for a years, perhaps I’ll even need to start from the begining later on, but it is a risk and a sacrifice I am willing to take.

it was my dream and plan to remain in Jordan for a while, even after I graduate, so that I can be a part of changing the local sociaty, I voulentered to teach young students, with the hope that if I changed a few young people, and someone else changed a few others then soon enought a chain reaction would start, and it would no longer concidered strange if you read a small novel under a tree in the university (I remember the first time I read a book under a tree here, people found it very interesting, and came to have a look at the “strange show”),  any way, sometimes we don’t get what we want, and sometimes dreams just remains dreams.

On the bright side… well things  don’t seems so bright to me today, perhaps it will tomorow.

My friend recently got her first car, but  due to the existence of barbaric idiots in the Jordanian sociaty it got stolen, so I am adding a link to the post on her webpage with the cars discription and a picture comeing soon hopefully, please be a responcible and serious person, and spread the word, and keep your eyes open, you never know when you’ll be in a similar situation and will need some help (what goes around comes around)

http://aminoholic.com/2007/01/29/my-cars-stolen/

Well I came very late as usuall but also as usuall it waas not my fault, my trip back from Turky went well but after all I can’t excpect the whole air trafic to be under my command, but I got their in the middle of the PBOX meeting at least, Leen filled me up on what they did, then our GREAT team member Dana who is now in charge of our financial status explained how these things will go, well I kind of fell asleep for a single second while she was talking, but not because of her, because she was really great, she is better then the TLs , but really I was tired, it had been several days since I actually got some sleep, after the PBOX meeting ended we joined the rest of the AIESECers, then Monica and Oksana gave the last speeches and instructions, then we made a short video to send to AIESEC Neatherland because they are our new partner country. then we left again to the bowling alley

we really should meet more and go to the bowling alley, we REALLY have a lot of FUN there,  when we are a group of about 20 people the bowling alley becomes a different experience then usuall…

Its very important to me that I mention how this 2 day meeting have regiven me the  motivation to work with in my AIESEC project, and for those who thinks we’ll fail, SCREW YOU, and we will definatly succeed and then we can show you the finger and proudly tell you “up yours” (pardon my semi-rude language but I on fire!!!)

by the end of this week we’ll have our goals for the next quarter ready, and then I’ll post what I decided to try to achive untill next national meeting.

WISH US LUCK ( we don’t actually need it , but an extra help would be nice)